A lot of you guys asked me what’s been going on with me lately. Truth is, I haven’t been sleeping well / much in the past two weeks. I was haunted by a past that I so desperately try to ignore. Things that I securely and neatly tucked away in the darkest corner of my mind, for it to be there until the end of days. Hidden in the deepest pit of my consciousness. Barely visible. But always there.
I trace the lines on my arms. Scars that remind me of my demons. Demons, that every once in a while catch up with me again. They whisper my name. They lure me in. They drag me into the darkness they call their home.
Blue sky. Wings spread. A lie so white it turned my whole world grey. Sleepless nights and useless days.
It always happens. When I feel like I’m over the whole thing it comes haunting me again. I don’t exactly know what triggers the feelings. These demons, creeping out from under their hiding places. I run, and run, and run. But there’s no escaping the past.
I honestly am in such a good place right now. I have people in my life that I wholeheartedly love. I get to travel the world. For once in my life, I can afford to treat me to fancy things. And I’m utterly grateful for everything I have and do. However, there will always be the bad side of life. Things that can’t be forgotten. Lies that can’t be untold. Words that can’t be unspoken.
Pants: Item M6*
Jumper: H&M (similar here, here & here)
Scarf: Bik Bok (similar here & here)
Bag: Buffalo* (similar here)
Jacket: Zara (similar here, here & here)
Headband: H&M [/one_half]
I always ask myself how much is too much when it comes to sharing these rather personal thoughts on the blog. But this is it. This is the real me. I’m broken. Ripped at every edge. Everything, but a masterpiece. I would lie if I’d sugar-coat my life and tell you that I’m happy 24/7. Because I simply am not. And you know what, that’s absolutely okay.
We’re constantly told to be positive – always. Hustle, hustle, hustle baby. #Girlboss. Reach for the stars. Positive mind = positive life.
Excuse me, but cut the bullshit. It’s absolutely fine to take a few days off and sulk in your misery. It’s okay to step into a hot bath and cry until there are no tears left. It’s okay to tell your friends about the demons that keep haunting you. And sometimes, it even is okay to just not talk to anyone for a day. Escape to worlds that aren’t your own and eat all the comfort food that’s around.
We’re human. Not robots. And we shouldn’t live an emotionless life just because Pinterest quotes tell us to. I genuinely believe that it’s okay to have bad days. It’s okay to not always be okay. Because life isn’t always fair and there’s no way that I’m going to be silent about my misery to please others. I’m not always happy. Sometimes I hate myself. Sometimes I hate the world. And that’s okay.
Don’t be ashamed to be yourself. Even if you’re broken. Even if you’re miserable. Life is a turbulent flight and not a static train ride. And that’s a wonderful and beautiful thing. Stay at home, eat some ice cream, cry your heart out. But then, get up again, put on some lipstick and conquer this crazy world that you’re living on.
These words might sound way worse than my current state actually is. I’m fine and all is well. I wrote the bigger part of this post into my notebook during a particularly bad night last week and decided to share it with you guys on here. I’m all done with feeling miserable now, though. Back to the happy life! I guess we all have bad days and that’s okay. I’m all for sharing the real you instead of acting as if your life was perfect all day every day. Because in my opinion, that certainly does fool others into thinking they’re weird when something is off.
What do you think about sharing the bad and the ugly online? Would you rather only see the good and glittery or are you okay with reading about the bad also?
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